So my last report was about a Christian chick who I assumed was saving herself for marriage, and quite a few people said that they disagreed with that presumption. Then, I’m reading Lance and Honey’s blog, and they want to start a round table discussion on virgins! I’m down! It gives me an opportunity to pose the question: “Why, oh why, would anyone save themselves for marriage?”

The most common reason that I hear, is that people save themselves because they want their wedding night to be special. Think about what a ridiculous statement that is for a minute. The night is going to be special anyway, because it’s your wedding night! That night you will be making love to the person dearest to you. Sex with that person will always be special. If you’ve had previous partners, I personally don’t believe that in any way cheapens the sex you share with someone you love. You don’t have to save yourself to make it special to me. In fact, I’d kind of prefer that you didn’t.

You see, virgins are pretty lousy lays. Everybody is their first time. I want to be a great lover to my spouse, and I want them to be a good lover to me as well. There are really two stages to that. One of them is inside the relationship. You get used to your partners body. Their likes and dislikes. You tailor your love making to each other. The other part, however, takes place before you even meet your significant other. If you take morality out of it, hooking up is a pretty natural thing to do. You learn about your body. You learn about who you are sexually. Plus it has the added bonus of being pretty fun =). In the words of the great philosopher Woody Allen, “Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it’s a pretty good one.

This ridiculous moral code is really set in opposition with human nature, and I personally think it does more harm than good. I’m going to tell you a story, and it’s a pretty common one around this neck of the woods. I live in the buckle of the Bible Belt, and I see a lot of young (21/22) , Christian couples get married very quickly. They date for maybe a year – never having sex or living together – then get married only to find they’re incompatible. Then they either divorce (if they’re smart) or have a baby, and everyone’s pretty much unhappy.

So my story is about a girl I dated briefly who was saving herself for marriage. She was fresh out of college and had a good job. She also happened to be incredibly horny. She was boy crazy, but had been good all her life and now all the sexual energy was just boiling over. She would get drunk and flirt wantonly with anything male in the room. Then I would find her out in the parking lot, calling a friend, begging them to come pick her up before she “did it” and went home with someone. Honestly, she sounded like an Alcoholic calling her sponsor to try and prevent a relapse.

One night she a guy in a bar. They eloped after dating for about a week.

Well it turned out to be an awful decision. They were completely incompatible, and it ended badly enough to make her move to Florida. I am convinced – and I’m deadly serious here – that she eloped with him because her human sexuality and the strict, proper way she was raised were starting to clash so violently that a quick marriage was the only way she could see to resolve the two.

I think if she had just hooked up with him, she would have been happier. Personally, I would never, ever marry someone I hadn’t had sex with. I’d never marry someone I hadn’t lived with for at least a year.

If your goal is truly to make your marriage better, it only makes logical sense to me that you would get out there and play the field a bit first. You’ll have a better idea of who you are and what you want, and the sex on your wedding night will be much, much better.

This post is part of a roundtable series on virginity with a group of fellow bloggers. The blogs range from career development to dating advice to pickup. The original subject was, “Let’s talk virgins!” See the other great posts below, and watch this space as more get published in the next few days.

Hammer: http://hammer86.wordpress.com/2008/09/24/why-i-dont-date-virgins/

Beauty of the Year:

http://beautyoftheyear.wordpress.com/2008/09/27/virgin-vendetta/

Hot Alpha Female:

http://hotalphafemale.blogspot.com/2008/09/lets-talk-about-sex-baby.html

Evil Woobie

http://www.evilwoobie.com/2008/09/28/why-is-virginity-a-big-deal-among-filipinos/

Infinity

http://www.projectinfinity.me/dating/2008/9/29/the-more-touchy-part-of-dating-sex-virgins.html

T

http://tsquest.blogspot.com/2008/09/virginity-girl-and-moms-perspective.html